“I thought that time would change things”

“I thought that time would change things”
But it did not change this, this is what I was counting on, but you’re still here tormenting me, I have to ask myself if you don’t leave how long until I have to. And even when you are gone, I know you will live on in my mind, always hurting me. I try to sleep but I can feel you holding me. And you wont let me go, and your not even here, now it’s all in my head, (and I know it) but that not making it any easier. Will I ever get over this, will I ever recover or is this just the way things are, one more thing I have to live with. Until the day I die, and if that is so, I pray it may be soon, for you won’t leave me alone, somehow I need you. You broke me, I need you to fix me, I can’t seem to do this myself, I can’t do much at all anymore. I told you to leave me alone, but you wouldn’t listen, but back then I didn’t know, I would never feel alone, because when I turn out that light, your right here with me, and although you’re only imaginary, you’re still tormenting me.

Sauce of inspiration = Something For Kate – Working Against Me

“I feel the Question of their loneliness, ‘cause I’ll be by their side.”

“I feel the Question of their loneliness, ‘cause I’ll be by their side.”
You know I will.”
Well believe it or not it’s true, yea you feel so alone but chances are you are not. I know, how it feels, when your down, like no one understands you, how could they, and you cant explain, because you don’t understand half of it yourself, or because you don’t even feel comfortable talking about it, or because you think you know that they wont get it, or a million other reasons. And it’s amazing how much things can change as well. That’s another thing I have noticed about being down. When you’re down, you feel like its forever. Like you will never feel better. But then you do, and it’s wonderful, and amazing, like the whole world has changed. It’s now a better place, far from perfect but it’s ok. I wish I could show every person who feels the way I did, what it will be like for them when things get better, but I know what its like, I know, they just wouldn’t understand. (I wouldn’t have.)

Sauce of inspiration = The Red Hot Chili Peppers – My Friends

“The boy nobody wanted just won the super bowl”

And then with the realization that the second half of that is not true and probably never will be, but the first half is true, right now. A soul plummets and falls to the ground.
All this pretending was just there to mask everything inside, yet through it all, we see the descriptions we give ourselves. The way we are thought of or what we are famous for, ‘The boy nobody wanted’ is who we are, at least in our own mind. ‘Winning the super bowl’ is just what we pretend to our own mind for fun. It’s not believed, that would be stupid, anyone with half a brain knows that playing the game, without any other people is not really winning, and its diffidently not the super bowl. However if we really thought about it, almost everyone would have to be stupid to really believe that nobody wants them. Most of us have families, the rest of us have friends, and some lucky people (like me) have both. I know I want my friends, I want them to be happy, I want them to do well, and I want them to visit me. When they don’t I miss them terribly. And when they do, I am happy. ;-J

Sauce of inspiration = the Simpson’s, Bart Simpson, Bart Ruins Thanksgiving episode.